About Todd

04/26/2020 …


It seems as though most people are given a life as opposed to earning one. I struggle to have something to give to those who have literally been taken from me. Nearly everything I have ever had or earned seems to have been taken from me in my life. I still have hope.

In about six more months I will have completed the academic requirements to obtain my Juris Doctorate. I am so tired. The work in the laboratory on my shift has remained fairly steady. There was a very hostile force being focused against me prior to the COVID pandemic. It is much more passive aggressive.

The gym will hopefully re-open in a week or so. It is the only thing which helps with the hypertrophied ligament strangling my spinal nerve. My legs are numb more often.

I have not focused on my other projects. I have a serious skin ailment but I cannot afford to move to cure it. I hope it does not kill me before I can afford to move. I just have so much trouble waking up nowadays.

If they approve a two thousand dollar a month stipend, would that be enough to take a job where I can help someone for a year who I have mostly abandoned in life? At this point, can I help this person at all ,,,

04/07/2020 …


I will turn fifty in 9 days. I have out lived many people I grew up with. I have recently lost my older sister; my first sibling to die.

I cannot get approved on a mortgage, as I carry too much financial aid. I was able to use that money to stay in someone's life for the past ten years. My skin is covered in mold and I have trouble walking. I do not earn much money, but still I persist.

I have about 8 more months before I finish my Juris Doctorate. I do not know if it will get me a better 'job' or not. I can likely use it to become lab management eventually somewhere and go on to obtain higher education in laboratory facilities director if I have to.

I re-injured my hernia. About the time it healed up enough to start going back to the gym, the county closed all gyms due to the virus. I am waiting to see if this really is weaponized airborne Aids. I have not heard of any other virus which attacks lymphocytes like this. I would expect people to begin to sero-convert in about another two months if this is true.

I have not had the strength to do much more than work in the lab and work on my studies lately after ripping my gut back open. I gained the five pounds back. But I know what to do to get back to a healthier lifestyle now.

I am a thousand miles from where I need to be right now. I cannot figure out the money to be the man I need to be. I have failed as a man in the short term. A little more than five more years and I can change that.

My sister died very much like a COVID victim at the end of February. I will always wonder if that is what eventually put her on the respirator with double pneumonia. However, I have not heard of it hitting the small town where she was sent back to, where she eventually passed. Very odd though.

I still work in the lab. So far my job seems safe, but that is as long as the hospital doesn't come after my paycheck. My brother makes more driving a truck 50 miles a day right now than I make working 8 hour shifts in the hospital. I have been too stupid to figure out how to replace my failed brokerage in over 12 years. The Juris Doctorate thing may work someday though, if there is a free market left in a year or more. Who knows ...

01/20/2020 …



I see a different way to take this site now. I will begin working on it more today if I have time at work. I have an outline started.

I accomplished some of my goals for 2019. I got into my 4th year of law school. I had my MRI completed, however, I was unsuccessful with getting relief from my injuries. I will try chelation therapy soon, I think.

Vitamins have helped to alleviate the cramping in my legs. My exercise regiment has split my hernia back open, and my paralysis is slowly increasing. However, I still go to the gym.

Anyway, I hope I have figured out how to use my efforts to make a change soon. I have not been successful for a good many years now.


11/09/2019 …



I have apparently made it into my fourth year of a seemingly worthless Non-ABA approved Juris Doctorate. I really need a job, any job paying a living wage in Southern CT and a reasonable place to live there.

I will be fifty soon. I have worked hard since the age of fourteen. I hold many degrees, none of which are marketable where my child is, who has been taken from me. This website is my plea for help in a world where there is none for me.

My back is broken. My employer continuously pushes for me to quit my job, despite the fact that I am the only one on my shift who has not quit in the past three years. I have no-place else to go.

I am one of two, out of 54 students, who made into the fourth year of my law school. I have passed the first year law student's exam in California.

I believe my works below of Monster Trucks Comics can be a viable product. I have two more attempts on my own. If I fail there, I will take them to Shark Tank to see if they have any interest.

Honestly, after using my last year of student loans, this job will not pay enough for me to survive off of. 

I do not know what else to do. I cannot drive eighteen-wheelers anymore due to my back injuries. I am out of student loans. I do not have the experience to teach at college. I have been unsuccessful applying as an academic advisor. I am unlikely to pass the morale turpitude for licensure in California. 

I believe my work here shows I am trying. I work a full time job, while pursuing my dreams. I could use some help getting it going.

Working on it … that is all I can say at this point.

Phillips Skull

wrektsecrets-v-iroseybabymtc-iiExamples of some of my work ...


This has been one of the toughest years of my life so far, and yet perhaps it will work out on its own. I have begun implementation of my next approach. It does seem promising. It isn't that I just want to be a bum. I have worked hard my entire life, including in an orphanage.

I am simply attempting to help some people not to be left in a world alone like I was. Yet, the social engineering is against me. I am fighting that fight. I have made headway, whereas most crumble or run.

Lebe Den Widerstand

10/08/2018 …



It has been a week since I took the finals for my third year of law school. I will not know how I did for a few more weeks. I had to take the finals early as my proctor had scheduled vacation time for herself this month.

I am thinking that I did ok. My understanding is that the grades are curved. My thoughts on this were reinforced by a phone call from the school administration yesterday. She said I would not get my grades until more near the end of the month.

I was ill last week after ending the finals. Today was my day off. I did not pursue my hobby as I had intended. I spent some time with a lady friend, slept, overate and then went to the gym. My workout routine is evolving.

My arthritis and paralysis issues are improving due to the exercise.

08/27/2018 …



Four weeks until finals. I am nowhere near ready as of yet. I know what to study, and have been looking at it slowly. I have to focus on my assignments for now.

I expect that after I have earned my Juris Doctorate I may be able to find work online as a professor or instructor while I pursue my law license in California. I should at least be able to supplement my income from lab work with online teaching. I hope to surpass it. I do not know if I can teach at a regionally accredited college with a nationally accredited Juris Doctorate from a state approved law school, but I shall see.

I have access to a gym nearby. I am able to get around my paralysis issues there. Yet some exercises severely agitate the paralysis issues. The lipid-tissue is controllable with the exercise. My appetite decreases amazingly with the exercise routines which I am doing. 

Today is a special day which has been yet again taken from me. If I survive 8 more years, then perhaps it will be a happier day in years to come.

Today I have failed another year, yet I continue to try...

08/11/2018 …


I have about six weeks before finals for my third year of law school. Work has become overwhelming for me. I will begin to learn coding soon to change careers and to help me to use my models for 3D gaming. Lab work is a dead-end for me and med school is now just out of the question. So, software development is the most glaring exit I can find.

I have been so tired since November of last year. My blood work has been okay so far. My back is horrible. Perhaps is it just the women and the fact that we are doing three times volume of work with half the people and without just compensation. I really feel I do not get a living wage. I should have seen the opportunities in coding when I started, but I have been in a whirlwind of legal problems and such for the past ten years. That and trying to replace my lost logistics career while healing from multiple back injuries.

I still feel that I did well for starting off with a G.E.D. and no formal math background. I successfully switched to a low-level medical career. I am close to having earned my juris doctorate, and I obtained all of this under great resistance. 

I am embarrassed that I have allowed my injuries to stop me over the past few months. I should have obtained success by now. I just cannot wake up from the pain. I do not take anything for it. I need to get into an apartment or house with an elliptical machine. My earnings are not mine, so I have to obtain a higher income.

I no longer fear being targeted at work. I see my exit strategy now. It has been a rough six years in an environment where I am targeted. I have learned a lot of information to pass on when I can in a few years.

I have failed so far in my attempts in one major way. I am closer to success if I merely live at least a few more years. I have knowledge if nothing else.

But the clock is still ticking against me ...

06/11/2018 …


I did not realize it had been so long since I had posted on here. I have had a lot of testing done on my back and nerves. It may be a mixture of tissue taking up too much lipids and blocking the uptake of sugars in combination with my nerve damage. Two ligaments which used to support my spine have essentially collapsed, which places pressure on the nerve. So, I have trouble walking and performing daily functions.

I still hold down a labor job. I continue with my 3rd year of law school. It is much more difficult for me than the first two years. Three more months until finals.

Assuming I pass my finals, I can continue on into my fourth and final year of law school in December. I have stalled somewhat in my offerings. I did get a few of my games developed and published at www.8upgamers.com .

I am in the midst of what I believe will become my initial marketing campaign to develop a following. It is slowly evolving. It seems that I have made many turns that end me up in other directions. I think I am much closer to success now.

Although my juris doctorate is only nationally accredited at least I have made the attempt. I hope to become more successful with my other efforts and that my juris doctorate was just another step in buying time and getting the loans to accomplish my other goals in life.

We shall see.

02/03/2018 …


I guess I had some good news from my MRI. The large extrusion in my L-5 has apparently worked its way back into place. I am, however, having increased paralysis issues.

I go for an MRI on this coming Friday to look at my T-5. I am now wondering if I actually did break my tailbone 14 years ago.

Anyways, my issues are apparently not from the slipped disc; unless there is permanent nerve damage. However, the surgeon's eyes glazed over when I attempted to describe my ongoing issues.

Anyway, looking to the next MRI and then I will try to get looked at by a neurologist just at the end of my block.

I worked a little bit on preparing two of my games for upload. Then I walked to get groceries. I am sure I appear every bit as a homeless person walking home to my apartment carrying all of the groceries with the bags tied together; dangling against each other as I limp down the main road toward the college and past the hospital.

I stumbled through future interests in property law. I certainly hope I squeak by with at least a 2.00 this year. I really hope to at least have a 2.50 cumulative GPA at the end of the year so as to avoid having to pass a cumulative exam over the first three years subjects.

In my undergrad studies I was embarrassed to have dropped to a 3.48 or 3.49. I believe I was academically robbed there to knock me under a 3.50. A traditional graduate degree was not an option for me. The 3.48 or whatever was good enough for my purposes of obtaining my Juris Doctorate through a correspondence course. I am still hoping to create my own way whereas I will not need to rely upon the Juris Doctorate for income. But that remains to be seen.

It is good for me to look back at my blog over the years to see what I have been attempting to do during this time. My efforts have changed. I have come along way; yet I have not at the same time.

01/28/2018 …


I cannot tell if 3yr is just much more involved than 2yr or if my back is just so messed up that I am at a loss of energy from it. I go for my MRI this week. Then to talk to a neurosurgeon.

I have failed to focus on uploading my games and developing my next marketing phase. I did find a good template today, however.

3yr seems overwhelming so far. I expect that I will not enroll for 4yr until May of 2021. I could start in December of 2020. I think I could use a few months off to just chill out though. I had a small break in 2017 from June until October. The first break I had taken since beginning college in the fall of 2010.

However, I still had to study for the First Year Law Student’s Exam during that period. So, there was not much of a break there. It will be nice to take a break for a few months. I will need to take the Multi-State Professional Responsibility and Ethics Exam during that time. So, no break again. Ha!

At least I should earn an accredited juris doctorate in two years to two and a half years. Perhaps I can knock out the MPRE before December 2020. I am so very tired.

I was really just using the Juris Doctorate as a fallback to create my other offerings. I am slowly putting that together as well. The past month has been lost though.


01/15/2018 …


I have been in a slump for the past month now. It isn't that I do not know what to do. I know the steps I should be pursuing. I am simply just not doing the steps.

I have been exposing myself to repeated bacterial reinfections. I have an emotional void I was unaware of. I thought this person had gained my respect. I now simply do not see the point of view of this person or how they get their own self respect. I believe myself to gain my self confidence in exactly the opposite actions as this person. I suppose this is why I have always been a social outcast.

I suppose this would make sense of why there is no apparent desire for my wares, in that I am not an accepted part of the herd. This is how it currently appears to me. Perhaps this is just me sulking in my slothfulness and not taking the action to promote my wares.

I pushed very hard in 2018. I may just be looking for another target right now. I do remember being told when I was young on how to sneak up on a cat from around the building instead of going straight at the cat. I suppose there was some useful advice passed down to me at times.

I became too sure of myself and then hit disappointment when there was not immediate thirst for my offerings. There were other things going on this past couple of months as well.

It will be interesting to see if I pull this together and make it all happen. Even if it does not work I did create something amazing. This is not all I have accomplished. I was very successful in another area; and yet a complete failure as well over the past month.

I have done more against seemingly insurmountable odds than most who have no real resistance to overcome at all. I have more work to do. I tell myself I am just taking a break. I tell myself I am just getting some rest. But perhaps I am just not feeling well. 

The odd thing is that it feels that I am on the verge of true success and then I was seemingly attacked on every front I could seemingly imagine. I also have an obligation to tend to. An obligation which took much of my energy to focus on. A bitter-sweet and beautiful nightmare.


01/04/2018 …



I had to be referred for a second MRI since I never went to the consultation two and a half years ago. The referring physician says she does not believe I would need fusion or a plate put in, but that bone cement is not an option for my type of injury.

She did not say what she believes the surgeons could do for me other than that. I suppose I should have asked her. It will be interesting to compare my MRI images from this round to the last one.

I have just been too tired lately to work on my projects. I often work in spurts on this. The back issues and other illnesses have just zapped my strength. 

Traveling for the holidays wore me down a little. Had to have a second round of shots the day before I left. Had a reaction to the pills, or else I am sicker than I thought. My blood work was fine at the beginning of the month. I am sure it is just a reaction to the antibiotics.

I just do not have the money to get by right now. It is amazing after working here for six years, then obtaining a bachelor's degree and working towards my JD that I find myself in a fairly unmarketable position. 

I should have stayed in psychology. I would have made much more money in that line. Right now I have a job, but not what i consider to be a career. However,I am working slowly on trying to work for myself again.

Getting this up and going is slow. I was plagued by women over the past couple of months, attacked by someone who should not have come at me like this my entire life. Perhaps it made me able to survive in life though. Maybe I should be thankful for that.

I did get a chance over the holidays to spend time where I need to be. I was unable to bring myself to work much. I did complete the most difficult assignment in my law degree to date. That was a tough assignment for a Christmas week.

I did start a third YouTube channel, which really should be my main one. The examination on my spine really put me into paralysis and pain for yesterday. I have to work chemistry again tonight. But I am off this weekend.

The nurse seemed surprised I do not take pain medication for my injury. It would be wonderful if they can actually fix this situation. I need to get my strength back.



12/16/2018 …


Still failing. But I remember someone quoting that success is just a series of failures. I have never had true success in life. I have had many failures.

I keep trying. At least I know I am doing the best I can figure out how to do. I have done amazing things in my life.

My books and games are a testament to that, whether I gain a following or not. This was done while passing the first year law student''s exam, which most people who attempt NEVER get past.

I shall continue to do my best. Obstacles continue to get in my way. I am so tired lately. My blood work and urine tests are ok though. I had some bacterial infections but nothing which explains my fatigue clinically so far.

I cannot talk about certain concerns. I would actually probably seek employment or to even volunteer at a certain place to help certain people if I only had the financial ability to make it work. 

I cannot even rent a room in the area for what they offer for pay. This is coming from a person living already in a complete dump of a studio apartment. I work hard, am educated, but have no-one to help me. In fact I have many people who would take even what little I have worked for from me , and I have absolutely nothing. Not a car, not a clothes dryer. Not even a properly working back.

Hell of a world ...




12/12/2018 …


This has been a tough year for me. The paralysis is getting worse. I have an appointment for a new referral for surgery in January after blowing off my referral two years ago.
I believe bone cement would be worth the risk if this is an option for my vertebrae. I do not think the other two options of either the plate or what they call fusion would be a viable long term option for me.
Law school is easy enough for my third year. I absolutely hate it though. Ha! Unfortunately I am fairly good at it. It is a decent fall back.
I have been slow on my offerings. I have another hurdle to get through on this over the next couple of weeks. I have been so sick lately. I now have some idea what I need to focus on.
Just laying the groundwork and then I can start working on having fun. I really hope that works out. I have not been having very much fun over the past decade. Of course, just when things looked like they might straighten out, it all fell apart back then.
I have learned so much over the past decade. I hope to put that knowledge to use. Seems like such a waste otherwise. I really had some fun recording some stuff tonight.
I redid give me one million dollars. I need to redo this site as well. I just do not have the time right now. I do not think anyone but myself ever reads any of this. 
I am taking quite a notice to the interests of those I would be peers with lately. I feel as though it may be too late for me. I am giving it my best to become a contender. 
It is good to see that there is at least another.

11/27/2018 …



Well, I have launched www.MonsterTrucksComics.com There I have seven comics books for sale up on Amazon.

I have my YouTube channel up. Actually two of them. I have some decent content on them at www.8UPGAMERS.com and www.MonsterTrucksCartoons.com 

I cannot get any embedded images on here as I seem to have broken a link in the back-end of this website. Fixing it is not my priority at the moment. 

I am overwhelmed with the work of trying to launch my companies. I do not believe anyone other than myself visits this site. I have promised myself I will earn one billion dollars. So far, I am losing my ability to walk, I cannot afford to take the time off from work to try to get bone cement injected into my spine, but this might not be as bad as I think.

My job is being continually threatened by some people who have been targeting me for the past two years. I suppose I will be alright if I get terminated. I will likely try for surgery prior to leaving if I can. I just want to at least make it through my Christmas break before looking into surgery.

I obtained my goals for the year of passing the First Year Law Student Exam and overcoming the 20% pass rate obstacle. I entered into my third year of my Juris Doctorate. 

As I have stated, I have published seven Monster Trucks Comics books at www.MonsterTrucksComics.com , and have created two YouTube channels to promote them. I have created massive amounts of merchandise, which is available at www.8uptvmerch.com

I have made many video games. I have been unsuccessful at getting them available for distribution at the moment. In fact, I intended to try that today. Some of the games are featured on my YouTube channel www.8UPGAMERS.com

However, marketing these sites to gain a following is appearing to be more difficult than I anticipated. I honestly thought it would gain momentum on its own merit. Silly Rabbit...

I have met most of my goals this year, other than my financial goals.

I have my donation link set up at https://paypal.me/8upArmy

I am sure I will figure it out. The hard work is over with. Now the hard work must begin ...

11/20/2018 …


I compiled my first complete video today. It took a little longer to perform than I anticipated. I was using some incorrect information. However, my first official trailer is complete.

The more work I do, the better I get at it. I am tired now. I slept the day away today for the most part. However, this is a major step forward.

I am aiming for this Sunday as my target for getting these out into circulation now. I hit a small burst of energy today. 

I am happy with todays' accomplishments 🙂

Hmmm ... I wrote those paragraphs a couple of hours ago. Then, instead of getting to work on my next clip, I wound up doing anything other than working on my projects. To my defense, the paralysis in my ankles is much more severe tonight than it has ever been.

Similarly, the pain where my actual nerve is extruded into is the worst is has ever been other than when it was originally broken.

I have been contemplating kyphoplasty, where they can drill into the vertebrae and use a balloon to seal up the hole and inject bone cement. There is apparently risk of complete paralysis or death if the bone cement leaks. I believe someone was telling me of some of my relatives who have had bad experiences with the procedures.

Then again, if I had a living wage or better, perhaps I can get healthy enough to cure myself through swimming and using an elliptical machine. Only time will tell.

Anyway, today I slept way too much. Tonight I am in somewhat suffering from pain. My employment is increasingly unstable. I am unsure what I could do to replace my income if I fail with my offerings. I do not believe I will fail though.

I am somewhat disappointed in myself for taking a break tonight after hitting so much success. I overcame many obstacles today.


11/19/2018 …


Interesting week. It seems the closer that I come to getting my products to market, the more obstacles I have to overcome.

I had a proficiency test in chemistry at work over the past few days. It is now complete, but it took up a lot of my time and strength. It did not deter my efforts on my personal projects too much as I needed to brainstorm another angle.

Tonight as I am attempting to recoup some strength, I heard a series of gunshots about a half a block away. It sounded like a possible fire fight. It will be interesting if it makes the local news to see what actually occurred.

I did call it in. I hope the neighborhood isn't going that way again. Of course, if I can earn my way out now, this would probably be a good place for me to get out of. At least my side of the block has been fairly domestic over the past year.

This has always been a colorful neighborhood. But it is close to work and the college. I had no other alternative. I have made due. I am just so ready to move on with my life.

I am regretting my decision right now to continue on with my Juris Doctorate. I really wish I could just take a break from that. It is really easy to do for me though. I am just physically so tired lately.

Girl troubles abound. I lost my number one a couple of months ago. I have not found her to be so easy to replace. I do miss her over the others.

I am having somewhat of a writers block on what i need to type out. Yet I have written this so quickly. I am thinking too much, and just need to produce.

I need to get some rest. I am surprised to not have heard any sirens, as the operator said they were fielding multiple calls. Makes one ponder.








11/11/2018 …



I am taking a break. I slept more than I intended to today. I completed my week’s assignment in Property. Interesting case study and some not so interesting discussion posts.

I completed editing three video games I will release soon. I will try to get some videos uploaded tomorrow. I got the homework out of the way.

I realized something tonight, in that I have learned to do something which I genuinely love to do. I have not made any money at it so far. I know that I likely will, though. However, it is a hobby which I can just spend my minutes of my life performing and feeling like I have accomplished something with my life.

I have developed more as a developer this week. It is feeling alight.








10/29/2018 …



My first paperback book has been approved for sale. I spent Saturday creating better merchandise and getting a better url for the merch.

My game upload actually did not work. I did overcome obstacles on developing another game yesterday.

I submitted updated files on my kindle books to overcome some glitches in them. I also completed my first discussion post assignments for my first third year law school assignment yesterday.

I am still sick. I have to go to work today. I have errands to run tomorrow, but will try to work on my first video for marketing my first paperback book.









10/24/2018 …


Well, I have successfully published my first game. Now I have to figure out the other platform to get my better games posted.

I have my merchandise up. I have ran into some issues on my hard back books. I have edited my kindle books for republishing.

I will soon begin my marketing campaigns. I will aim for next Tuesday.

I got behind a week as it took me that long to recuperate from finals. I have also been sick this past month. I took some antibiotics for that tonight.

This weekend looks very promising. I start 3 year on Friday. The curriculum appears much easier than 2 year. Those finals were a beast.







10/19/2018 …


For what it is worth, I have passed the half way mark. I begin 3 year on Friday. It has been a crazy month.

I look forward to seeing how many of my classmates make it into our third year of law school with me. I now need to turn my attention back to my offerings.

I believe I now know how to approach law school exam study. This was a difficult skill for me to develop.

This is my journal to myself. I am on track. I am proud of me. I did great things this entire year. I intend to do even greater things in the months to come. I have now left my mark on society. My life has had meaning. Not everyone can say this. I have performed well.







10/16/2018 …


Today was very challenging for me. I completed my finals for my second year of law school. I basically figured out the night before how to approach the criminal procedure and evidence finals. 

I memorized what I could for criminal procedure over about a three hour period. I went to bed, and got up about an hour before I had to hobble down to the local college testing center.

I brought one book for multiple choice testing and one book for studying essays with me. I brought folders with printed outlines. I brought index cards which I had made flashcards on.

I took the criminal procedure tests for for about an hour and a half. I went into the computer room and prepared for my evidence exams for about an hour and a half and then I tackled the exams.

Now I wait to see if I scored high enough to enter three year. What an excruciating experience that was. 

Now I will see if this strategy worked, or if I have to retake my second year of law school. I would think hard about attempting to gain work at an ABA approved college to gain my J.D. that way if I have to retake my 2 year.

However, I will soon begin again on my other venture. I still have some finishing work to submit on my 2 year. I am so tired. I got home, took a shower and collapsed into bed.

I tried to watch part of a movie, and fell asleep. I woke up with a leg cramp, so I need some magnesium and zinc in my system to alleviate the lactic acid.

Overall, it was a tough day. I persevered.






10/13/2018 …


I have two more days to study for my last two finals for my second year of law school. I am interested to see if I performed well enough last week on community property and business organizations to pass with a 2.00 in the classes. I believe I did.

I now have to learn evidence and criminal procedure over this weekend. I walked uptown and had a beer and a couple of tacos today. I very rarely drink. I have drank a total of five times since June of 2017, the first day I took the First Year Law Student's exam.

Prior to this, I have not had so much as a taste of alcohol since September of 2009. I have let my health go over the past year. I really just needed to go for a walk, and they did not have coffee.

I purchased a potential one billion dollars worth of lottery tickets today. I have not purchased a lottery ticket since Georgia stopped using the IHOPE card. My personal belief is that it is not possible for me to win. It would be hilarious to me if I did.

I know what I would do. I would still finish my juris doctorate. I would buy title to match my bloodline, of my bloodline. I would build a castle and knight certain Youtubers.

I would strengthen my media offerings overall. I would have fun. I have contacts with an accomplished movie producer, and somewhat accomplished actors.

I would toy around with media. Not for any political notion. I know how and where I would build my homes and how I would furnish them. But I would still ultimately seek to sign my name Esquire.

I would likely seek to buy property where I am from; corn and soybean country. It would appear I will be able to do these things on my own soon anyways. It would just be easier if I were to be able to focus on my work instead of lugging infected urine in a hospital all day.

Work is getting horrendous. I used to get paid to study, and occasionally push out reasonable amounts of productivity in a work environment. Now the labor is predominate in the word LABOR-atory

The work is certainly not as bad as driving 18 wheelers down mountain passes in blizzards for ten years like I did twenty years ago. It is better than throwing ropes on barges and getting crippled, as I have done as well.

I have worked multitudes of 'jobs' over the years. Cattle ranching, commercial asphalt and rubber roofing, cab driver, cook, sales and logistics, restaurant management to name some of them.

I did not have the time to learn the formulas properly for chemistry, statistics, calculus, as I ran out of money and switched to the BBA. Although, in economics I still had to match the question to the formula, which I had no issue with in working with graphs. 

Linear problems appeared to confuse me in the other subjects. But I just did not have time to learn the other. I should have studied psychology for my undergrad as there was a business/psych degree.

But the laboratory degree gave me enough of an income to obtain my BBA, and now half way through my Juris Doctorate. I have officially put out my book series, and soon my games and video channel. 

I have accomplished a legacy in that. I am content that I have contributed something significant and meaningful to society. I will get my recognition for my work shortly after I upload my first couple of commercial games post finals over the next couple of weeks.

But I want to at least try to pass my finals. I dearly want that coveted and rightful title of Esquire behind my name.






10/01/2018 …


Exhausted! One week to study for two finals on Community Property and Business Associations/Corporations. then another week to study for Evidence and Criminal Procedure.

At least I have found access to materials which appears to be helping me to retain the info on the issues and the rules.

Work is absolutely horrid. I have a lot more paralysis this year. A lot of weight gain. The more I tried to lose weight and exercise, the more I wound up pinching the nerve.

At east I attained my goal of passing the first-year law student’s exam. I also have gotten 7 of my comic books up on Amazon. I am struggling with uploading my games. I think I learned how to get around an obstacle tonight just after I gave up for the night.

If this trick does not work, I can still upload a few games to some other platforms to help get things going. They are not my best works, but they are good enough.

Then I have to implement two other stages. We have gotten much more short-handed at work. I cannot believe I have not been fired yet. I have been ‘talked to’, written up, and I know I have made some mistakes lately.

I think I would fair alright if I lose this job. I am not wanting to lose it though. I can still work on my work while I do their work here. Soon enough I should not need to work for anyone but me.

I very well may need to go ahead and have a back surgery if I am successful. Go figure. Yet, I fear it will not solve things for long. Having the bone shaved by 20% and two small screws placed in to hold a metal plate on one of the most active bones in my body just reminds me of a screw working out of a screen door.

But if I have money to go swimming and be more active, I should be ok without the surgery. My job is a labor job, even though I had to have a science degree to obtain it.

I feel like a failure right now. But I know I have created an entire set of classics. I do not understand how I am in this place socially. Working to remedy that over all.

Law has not been the remedy, although it has bought me time, which I have very little of. People claim to be victims of what I actually endure, but I suppose there is wisdom to pass on there if I succeed. Looking objectively and stepping back,

Two more weeks of studying and then I go into year three of my juris doctorate. If I pass my finals this year, the next two years of law school should be easy. It is my tech hobby which is more difficult of a learning curve. But much more interesting to me than law.






09/02/2018 …


I have just submitted my last assignment for my 2y. Finals are in about five weeks. I can enter my 3y two weeks after my finals are completed. I will then be able to complete my Juris Doctorate in two more years as of this coming Christmas.

I was tempted to take a seven-month break and start my 3y in May. However, this would put me out almost a year and a half longer in obtaining my Juris Doctorate. As I really do not care if I ever obtain my Juris Doctorate, it is tempting to post-pone it for that extra year and a half.

I could focus on my hobby a lot more. On the other hand, it is not difficult to do the school work. I may be successful enough with my hobby to even withdraw mid-year if it came to that. I do not see any way where this would be an alternative though.

The drive to and from LAX to Pasadena was a little scary this time out. Perhaps the rental car just did not handle well on the 110 curves. Or maybe there was less traffic and the speed of traffic was too much for me. I hardly drive anymore.

I have two days off to pursue my goals. I was just so tired yesterday. Work has been increasingly physically exhausting lately.

I wonder what my GPA will be at the end of the year. I was disappointed with my 2.72 last year. However, that is apparently not horrible for this school. My undergrad GPA ended with a 3.49, so just shy of being an ‘honor student’. I actually feel I was robbed of four A’s which would have placed me there.

Oh well. It is getting my listing on the top 100 in reality just like I did in Globus which will count!






08/11/2018 …


I have successfully passed the First Year Law Student's Exam. That is simply amazing. I have a lot of work to do.

I am nearing my last month of year two. Finals are in October.






07/25/2018 …


I have another two weeks until I find out if I failed the First Year Law Student's Exam for the second time. I am fairly sure that I failed it. That being said, I usually do better on exams when I think I have failed them.

I have been learning a lot more on my hobby. My test market was not impressed last month. I will check in a couple of weeks to see if I have gotten any better.

I have been watching a comedian online quite a bit lately. I am impressed to see how he is promoting himself in other areas than just the comedy stick. Pretty impressive stuff.

I am so burnt out lately at my paid job, and then coming home and working on my hobby and law school. I need to get some rest. I have  so much work to do.





07/07/2018 …


I have lost another year. I did make a significant showing of effort. I am diligently working on making that effort into my flag ship.

I have not yet begun to fight are the words which come to mind. Yet, I will not fight, but rather I will carry on through the fight.





6/29/2018 …


Well, I sat for the First Year Law Student's Exam for the second time. I got off track in my Criminal Law essay. This may very well have caused me to fail the exam again.

 I recognized an issue I had missed part way through arguing an issue I intended to argue would not prevail. I made a note in another portion of the essay. When I returned to the part I was working on, I forgot I was going to argue it would not succeed.

However, I may still pass if I did alright on the multiple-choice portion. I will not know until August. I did not realize that I can still switch to the Executive Track Juris Doctorate and still have an accredited doctorate and get student loans to finish it.

I will likely take this route if I did not pass this attempt. I need to change my focus back to my publishing focus. I really evolved my work last month. But I had to take a break from that to learn First Year Law studies all over again for the test.

At least I now know how to study law for the exams. I also believe I understand why I did so poorly on my first attempt. If I am correct, I likely scored higher this time on the other three essays. I may not have done as poorly on the Criminal Law essay as I think I did, if I scored well on the other issues.

So, if I only messed up enough to knock it down to a sixty I will probably pass. It does not matter though, as I can switch over to the Executive Track. At least I can work as a Professor with such a degree.

I did not care so much for the drive up the 110 this time. The curves were just too much for me. I am getting too old, or perhaps I just had a shoddy rental car. The steaks did not have as much appeal this time.

It was a learning experience. I found how to utilize a study book I already owned. I had previously not understood the value of it. I took it on the plane with me and in a few hours, I seemed ready for the exam. I know I can use this same book to prepare quickly for my final exams for 2 year.

I am exhausted. I need a back operation. I need to get going with my work to be able to afford the operation, or at least to be able to afford to take better care of myself. I am on the right track for getting there.

I will try to get some rest. I have really worked hard this week. I had to hobble run all the way from the convention center to the hotel lobby, thinking I had failed to download my exam at the beginning of the exam. I was just not reading the icons correct. Ha!

It made me miss the conventions I used to earn when I was a freight agent…





6/09/2018 …


Relearning First Year. I honestly do not know if I can pass. I will likely switch to the Executive Track if I fail my second attempt. Worthless degree, but at least it is accredited. 

I failed at something big this week. Actually for the past 11 years. I keep trying. If I could just get a job paying a living wage I really think I could make a huge impact on the world.

I will do it regardless. It just sucks right now.

For what it is worth, it is essentially illegal to be a father in the United States. Happy Fathers Day, to a nation of socially ostracized 'dead-beats' ... you know who you are.

The real daddies ... May your children forgive you someday for what you had no control over.




6/05/2018 …


I have been somewhat overwhelmed lately. I am so tired. I need to re-memorize Torts, Criminal Law and Contracts for the FYLSX. Does not seem to be too difficult.

On the other front, I have stalled out somewhat on my efforts on what I need to do. This is how I operate though. I get a burst of energy and produce.

Then I go into a lull of exhaustion. Work has been so busy lately. I ordered a new laptop to keep at work. This way I can create when there is time. Just a little bit through out the week will likely make a huge difference.




5/29/2018 …


Wow, I accidentally wiped out three years of resources while trying to update my WP version. Oh well. This has mostly became a personal journal for me at this point anyway.

All is good; or at least I believe I have a chance ...

I have started editing my work to make it more fun for my audience. It was good to take the time to come back and see what may have been missing.

I am also seeing why I did not perform greatly on my FYLSX. I intend to remedy that.

If I pass, I will likely continue my juris doctorate regardless of my success in my current venture.

I will get a seven month hiatus from October to May, but then year four starts in May of the following year. So three years from now. Very long time.




5/23/2018 …


I am thankful to myself for creating this website almost two years ago. Now that I need to relearn my First Year Law material to retake the FYLSX, it is easier to refresh on the materials I have placed here.

I must re-edit some images on my books after seeing a response from a target audience. It is easy to do. I have some templates already created, and others will not be difficult.

I have the social media sites in place now. I just need to polish the material and then market it.

I got to pretend I was rich again last week in NYC. I miss being successful.

I will pretend again in L.A. next month when I sit for the FYLSX again. I just booked my flight. The only things I have not gotten yet are the rental car and a room for my last night. Waiting on the price to drop on the room for the last night so I can get a decent steak.

The bed at the hotel I want is horribly hard, and the shower is all glass and tight fit. Very dangerous set up. However, they have constant airport shuttles on site, and delicious steak.

The business center had no air conditioning and the printer was difficult to print from. However, after reading horrible reviews on the competitors, and remembering the delicious steak, I will likely go there this time again.

I know I am on the right track. It just takes a little more time than I expected.



4/25/2018 …


Nearly two weeks have passed. I have developed some more game prototypes using a different game engine. I have not completed any of my games. I have created my first music track as well.

I need to finish at least one game and get it released prior to publishing my books. I booked the hotel for taking the FYLSX in June. I suppose I will go ahead and make another attempt at it.

I thought I would be farther along in the game development niche than this by now. I have made a lot of head way on it though. I believe I have a strong product once I figure out the last of it.

I know I am on the right track. It just takes a little more time than I expected.



4/15/2018 …


I have four reasonably decent video games put together. I have four books made to complement them. Well, one of the books still needs graphics added. Three need covers made.

I need to learn how to add social media links to the games. I got tired and took a break a couple of hours ago on that.

I have not signed up to take my second sitting for the First Year Law Student Exam. I am trying to get to Connecticut. I have failed for ten years to find a way to make it there. No-one will help me. In fact they deliberately attack someone too young to help them-self.

I will be forty-eight tomorrow. I have something amazing to share. Interestingly, when I was creating my buttons for the video games I changed my characters slightly for marketing purposes.

It makes me want to go back and edit all of the graphics to the books and games. I probably will not do that though. 

Update: after sleeping on it, I now know how to use this . It just continues to evolve on its own.



3/25/2018 …


Well, my initial store has been open for 24 hours. I have merchandise. I will post the merchandise in the back of my first two books. I just need to put the text in line with the illustrations and add the merch into the back of the books.

I am struggling with scripting the games. I need to start with the easiest games. However, I have the basic games created.

Shouldn’t be long now until I am least no longer a slave.

I have been very ill for the past two weeks. The first two days I was literally hallucinating. I took the first sick day I have ever taken in my five years of working in the laboratory.

I could literally not work on my offerings until yesterday. However, I did brainstorm new lines during my illness.

I think they are awesome. Now I just need to work on developing my marketing strategies! Having stayed 7 weeks in a row on Globus in strategic management against all of the top accredited business colleges in the world, this should be a cake walk.


2/19/2018 …


Thought I had it ready to go. Turns out I have to redo a lot of it. Learning curve, but so soon!
So frustrating, but awesome!


2/19/2018 …


I am at the editing phase of my self-publishing offer. I will see soon if it is as great as I think it is. From there I would hope to develop into other venues. Holding my cards close still. Soon!

I picked up a great domain name to add to my marketing for it. It went to a domain auction. The timing was perfect.

On the law school front, I apparently learned enough to defeat a licensed attorney in magistrate court, or at least I got a settlement on a law suit that was low enough it didn't matter to me.

I still have to pass the FYLSX. I hope my new venture gets me out of the law school thing. I do what I have to ...


12/21/2017 …


Well, I failed the first-year law student's exam on my first attempt. I scored a 530, but I needed a 560 in order to pass. I do know what I did wrong. I can try again in June.

I have been learning something else, which is much more interesting to me. I have been working on it longer than the law degree. I am, however, still earning my law degree.

I could write a dissertation on communication, through the lenses of psychology, sociology, public affairs, marketing and law. However, if I am correct with my understanding, I will write my dissertation through my creations and marketing.

It has been a tough year, like most in my life. I should be able to get things pulled together in a couple of more months.

Time will tell.



11/18/2017 …


Waiting game.

I will know sometime after December 8th if I passed the First Year Law School Exam on my first attempt or not. I now know how to prepare for it if I do have to retake it. I am very optimistic at this point that I most likely did pass it.

I am almost a month into my second year of law school now. I am studying Business Organizations and Evidence Law right now, and in February I will begin studying Criminal Procedure and Community Property.

I am fairly well burnt out on the entire law school thing. I am learning some very helpful information to know about though. I will try to complete this Juris Doctorate even if I am successful with my other projects.

I am making headway in my other skillset which I believe will ultimately free me. It is a long and arduous venture. I think it will pay off in spades. I enjoy what I am doing there, so it is a labor of love. If I can even work for someone else doing it, it would be a fun job.

I expect it will be much more than that, and provide me a way to help others. We shall see. If nothing else, it is an interesting hobby for me.

I really hope I do not have to go and retake this test all the way in Pasadena California. Wow. I did have fun driving up the 405 to the I-10 to the 110. The traffic was not too bad. The mountains were a nice site.

The Sheraton Inn in Pasadena was a nice little hotel. Much smaller than the Sheraton I have stayed at in Connecticut, but it was a decent place to rest for the exam.

It was nice to simply ride the elevator down to the parking garage and then to go out into the courtyard of the convention center. We had to take the first-year exam at the same time as the successful attorneys who were sitting for the specialist licensure.

That felt somewhat humiliating to me. I am sure not many of the people sitting for the specialist licensure ever had to sit for the first-year law student's exam. If I had known about financial aid back when law school was not so expensive I would have preferred to have gone to an ABA approved school.

I really think I might have successfully passed on my first attempt. It doesn't matter though. I am sure I can get it on the second attempt if I have to do that. I learned a secret that most people probably do not comprehend even if they to sit for the exam.

I attempted to take a travel position as a medical laboratory technician, but I did not get the job. My understanding is that I would have been in a lab with the actual pathologists while they were training pathology assistant students.

I also have the understanding that this particular facility is not kind to the lab techs. But it would have been a six-month assignment where I would have been where I need to be for a period of six months to help someone I have been trying so hard to help for the past ten years.

I would have been giving up a stable job for a temp assignment. I should be able to get a full-time job with them if they would simply have given me the opportunity to work with them. I may try to go in there during Christmas and try to introduce myself. It never hurts to try again.

I really need spinal surgery though. I will see how I feel at Christmas. I may simply come home and have surgery in January. I can take a leave from work on FMLA and work on my other project. I can surely use the break. It has just become overwhelming in the lab over the past couple of months.

At least I still have my job. I can still walk, although paralysis is getting worse. I still have my school, and my other endeavors. Life is ok right now.



10/28/2017 …


Well, I flew out to LAX on Monday, took the First Year Law Student's Exam on Tuesday, and flew back to Georgia on Wednesday morning.

I did not recognize the layout of many of the multiple-choice questions, so I probably did not fare well on the multiple-choice portion.

I will not know if I have passed until the middle of December. I started the second year of law school on Wednesday. It does not appear to be as straight forward as the first year. This is troublesome.

I did treat myself to a 16 ounce a rib eye steak at the Hyatt Regency, and had a Corona with it, prior to taking a nap before heading back to the airport to go back to Georgia.

It was the first alcohol I have consumed in eight years. The steak and beer were good.





9/16/2017 …


Slow going. I have to start studying for the first-year law student's exam.  I have slowly begun piecing together a plan and strategy for my business model. At least I have a basic outline going there.

I have my phases in mind as well. The tech curve slowed me down quite a bit. I should have what I need on that end this coming Tuesday.

I stayed at the hospital and worked through Hurricane Irma. I should have been more productive with my time there. However, we did not shut down the analyzers this year and we actually worked throughout the entire storm.

Two trees where knocked down, one on either side of my apartment, from a tornado. It is the third tornado to hit this apartment area in the past year. I know I need to move. I just cannot do it yet.

My neighbor described the same vibrating air I felt last year when I woke up in the middle of the tornado passing between our apartments. Fortunately for me I was in the hospital lab at work this time.

My power was fully restored today. I have had limited electricity since Monday when the tree knocked out one of four power lines. At least my a/c is working correctly. Even while it was cutting in and out at low power, it was more than many had.

I had underestimated the threat of this storm to this area. I will not likely stay through a third hurricane. I have had a glimpse of what a two is, and would not fair as well at a three.

My nephew shot and killed himself this week. I have not seen him in many years. I did get too talk to him on the phone a couple of times last year. I feel I have failed him. I did not try to reach out to him as much as I should have.

He did not respond to my emails two years ago. He went into rehab. I really cared about him. My life is pretty messed up, and I am trying desperately to work my way out of this.

I have a greater responsibility to reach out to my own, but the law is an obstacle there. Even obtaining a law licenses will not likely assist me there. I have to earn my way out.

I have failed in this regard so far, but I am piecing it together. One of them I get to help from time to time. I fear it is too little too late. I just keep working at it and hope to offer stability when the time is needed.





8/1/2017 …


I received passing grades on my proctored exams in Torts, Criminal Law and Contracts. I did worse on the multiple-choice questions, and better on the essay exam for Contracts than I thought I had done.

Overall, I earned a 2.72 GPA for my first year of law school. It took me until the end of the year to understand how the checklists work. I completely ignored  two very important study areas until the last month.

Considering my slow adaptation to proper legal study I am content with the 2.72. This equates to a mid-range B.

I really damaged my grade due to my performance on the Contracts essay final exam. I had not understood what I was looking to familiarize myself with on the software during the mock exams.

This caused me to believe that I did not have copy and paste options, which cost me a good bit of my one hour time limit on the actual exam. I also was so focused on studying ten different styles of Contract questions which I wrongly assumed the final exam question would likely be modeled after, that I did not look at the model answer from our midterm essay exam.

There was a similar portion in the final which matched a portion of the midterm. I got so hung up in the bantering on that issue that I missed points on issue spotting 1/4 of the second part of the exam. Lesson  learned.

I did, however, apparently do well enough to counter a complete bombing on the contracts multiple choice questions portion. My ego has taken a beating here. 

I still have to pass the First-Year Law School exam in California for any further credits to count towards obtaining a license to practice law in that state.

I will likely go and sit for the October 2017 exam in Pasadena. I am unsure if I want to continue with the second year of law school. I most likely will start back again in January.

I have been struggling with learning a different set of skills for the past year. I have just begun to understand some basics in this area.

I want to move to another state, and may have found an area where I can make this a reality.





7/7/2017 …


So, I took my last final for my First Year of Law School today. It was over Torts. I was expecting the essay question to either cover products liability or owner occupier. I was completely wrong.

I may have done ok on this final. I am optimistic that I may have passed Criminal Law and Torts, but I am fairly sure I failed the final for Contracts. If I passed the other two, I believe I can petition to retake the final for Contracts.

If I failed more than one exam, I would expect that I may be taking the first year all over again. I may have to do this with an unaccredited school, paying out of pocket. I do not believe I will go this route.

I have the weekend off from work. I will focus on learning the skills to create the groundwork for my other venture. I feel I have wasted the past year. I have learned a lot of useless information.

I need to work harder.





6/21/2017 …


Well, I am pretty sure I failed my Contracts final. If so, I will not pursue law any further. I simply got hung up on preliminary negotiations, and should have skipped the entire first portion and focused on the second question first.

I am very embarrassed. I will most likely go and try to get a neurologist/psychiatrist to write out that I need the time limit lifted so that I can adjust for my broken back to complete the exams.

I do not think I did well on the multiple choice questions either. Law, at least through the California Distance learning route, just does not appear to be my calling.

I have made a purchase to focus harder on my other hobby though. I should get it in a couple of days. It will be nice to just work on what I enjoy instead of stuggling through tests like I have for the past seven years to no avail.

I am nearing fifty years old, and all I can do is equate my life to Walter White in the AMC saga 'Breaking Bad'. While I earn about the same income he had before he turned, at least he was still married, knew his children, and still had his home and a vehicle.

I have not faired as well so far. I feel that i have completely wasted the past four years of my life. I have gained a good bit of seeminly useless knowledge which helps me to comprehend my plight.

I have failed to use that knowledge to my benefit. I am working on it. At least I have something to focus my efforts on now. I will take the other two finals and see if I at least can pass either of them. I fear I have failed, but I have gained a basic rudimentary understanding of the legal system. I understand why things are the way that they are.

I am tired.





6/5/2017 …


It has been a tough year for me. I really need spinal surgery, but I cannot really afford to take the time off from work to do it.

I have really just been wasting this past year. I have tried to learn some new skills. My finals for my first year of law school begin in two weeks. I am horrible at the multiple-choice questions. I had better start doing a lot more of them.

I think I am doing alright on the essay portions. I am really burnt out on the whole thing. I will take a break on that until January after my finals. I still have to go pass the First-Year Law Student Exam for California to get any further credit towards obtaining a law license at that point.

So, assuming I will pass my finals I will then have to wait until October to see if I pass the FYLSX. Until then I will try to spend more time on my other project I am learning.

I had a bitter sweet moment this month. I cannot write much about it for legal reasons. I can just keep trying to stay alive for another decade and hope I am not hated at that point. I have strategies that I want to use to get through the legal fictions imposed by the courts, but I have not put those strategies into reality as of yet. I just keep hitting obstacles.

Yeah, I am more than a little bit bummed out right now. I had some hairy looking lymphocytes in my blood work today. I hope I do not have leukemia. My cell counts were good, and the morphology seemed alright.





4/23/2017 …


 I am coming up on the end of my first year of law school. I have just a few more assignments before beginning to study for finals.

I am not sure if I will continue on with my second year or not at this point. I have been spending a lot of time trying to pursue development of my media offerings.

I have hit so much resistance this year on getting this going. I have lost count of how many computers I have literally burnt up this year.

I see where it needs to go. I am waiting on a couple of books now so that I can hopefully get going more professionally.

As a matter of fact, just now, writing this post, I realize where I might look for some PowerPoints which may help me to learn what I am seeking.

I still want to at least pass my first-year finals, which will allow me to have passed my first year of law school.

I have been allowing myself to be plagued by distractions lately. I need to stop that. I just got a little confused with where to find direction.

Well, we’ll see if I am going in the right direction now or not. I will just keep trying.





3/22/2017 More Learning Curves …



I have been hitting a major learning curve over the past month. I have a much stronger vision now. My failed attempts are brining me into what I want to do. I have come so far over the past month. It seems like it should be so easy, yet, I have had some difficulty. Tonight I pulled together most of the resources I have been studying over the past month on the subjects.

I have my finals coming up in a couple of months for law school. I have to have at least a 66 on each of my finals to pass each class. It seems like an easy task, but I assure you it is not. I have never failed a class in my undergrad studies, so this should be a cake walk. However, I am always worried about failing.

If I can just get one of these projects to work then I will not need a juris doctorate. This does not necessarily mean I would abandon my legal studies. It is just a part time school anyway. There are just so much more rewarding areas in life to focus my energies on.

At least I have found something on the side to be more passionate about. If it works, that would just be fun for me to earn money doing something I actually enjoy for a change.

My income is not sustainable without student loans. If I fail out of college, I will likely have to file bankruptcy if I cannot find success in my hobbies. It is what it is.




2/19/2017 Learning Curve …



It is interesting how every time I think I have evolved my business model my mind sees another part I need to add. I have made major advances in the past month. Yet those advances led me down three different routes that I need to produce, just so that I can go down three more.

I at least have a much stronger vision of where I am going with it all. I am still pursuing my Juris Doctorate in the meanwhile. I actually failed two of my four midterm exams. I had been getting A’s and B’s on my Essay Exams throughout the year. I thought that this meant I was answering them in them correct order.

I received the feedback from my second midterm essay exam about an hour after I had submitted my third essay exam. I immediately understood my errors. I received 95 on my last midterm essay exam. So, that was a very worthwhile undertaking.

My personal life is a mess right now, as it has been for the past nine years. I had successfully stayed out of any relationships for the past few months until mid-January. I then back-slid into one bad relationship, and quickly fell back to my rebound. I am trying to throw the brakes again on both of them for now.

Work is getting more strenuous lately. I switched weekend shifts. Between work, school and my media hobbies, I guess I am keeping myself busy. I have been somewhat stumped for the past couple of days while researching how to accomplish the next phase in my endeavors. I think I have found a way. I just have to do it now.




It’s been an interesting week. A nice, boring, tedious, but interesting week …


Well, I am half-way through with my mid-terms on my first year of law school. I have completed my mid-terms on legal writing and contracts. I have just completed my most difficult assignment of the year so far, which was an essay question on products liability in Torts.

I have another essay I can do for extra credit this week. I have already written out the outline, which I basically just copied from my assignment for the week. The questions really have the same answers.

Then I still have an essay mid-term as well as multiple choice mid-term due this week, which are also both in Torts. Then next week I have my mid-term assignment for Criminal Law, and my mid-terms will be completed.

I have really obtained a much better understanding of how to go through my basic checklist of definitions in the subjects to look for issue spotting and application of the rules.

I have also become much more comfortable with looking to the answers in the multiple-choice questions to decide which answers cannot possibly be correct. This is much more helpful in figuring out the answer than looking to fact patterns that take up valuable time. This strategy actually frees up a lot of time for the difficult questions which do need me to look over the fact pattern.

As far as my media project I have just been snowballing with ideas lately. My mid-terms have slowed me down somewhat in implementation. However, this appears to be to my benefit, as I have actually come up with a strategy for tying together my plans.

I have also come up with a few more ideas for much better content. I just have to do the implementation now. It will be fairly soon when I restructure a few things and then I can actually bring my ideas to life.

It is almost four a.m.. I was having trouble falling asleep tonight after literally taking all day to write what turned out to be a twelve-page essay exam. I was unsure how to go about approaching it, and then I realized I was trying too hard to comprehend it. So, I just did it. I am sure I will get a B, and that is actually performing quite well in this program, I believe. It is passing, anyway.

Well, it has been a very interesting past twelve months. I had some severe let-downs which seriously clouded my judgement. I had some significant health issues. I made significant wrong choices in my life. All of my plans seemed to be falling apart. I am still having trouble walking at times.

However, I overcame many of those obstacles. I enrolled in law school, and I have excelled in it. I have gotten through a gallbladder operation. I have come up with a much better business strategy for my offerings. I have written a short story, and am editing a novelette.

Most of all I have learned a lot about my own character. I can step back and say that I am fairly confident that I can handle obtaining money now without letting it kill me. I know more now than ever what not to do.

As for right now, I had better get some rest. I still have to go to work this afternoon. I also would like to work on my extra credit assignment before going to work.

If anyone ever reads this, I hope you are able to find some enjoyment in your life. Ultimately that is what I am seeking. I may not have been a very good friend in life to some people. Or perhaps I look to hard to find good in people.

I was up visiting someone for Christmas last month and I had to go to a service plaza off of the interstate to take an exam. The internet in the hotel I was staying at was horrendous. When I finished the exam, I walked out to my rental car in the parking lot. I was approached by some guy with an Austrian-Shepard on a leash, and the guy was absolutely attempting to intimidate me.

He ended up asking me if I could help somebody would I do it, as I slid my laptop into my passenger seat of my vehicle. I told him ‘no’. I told him it was not for any of the reasons for which he was trying to elicit a response from me on. I told him I can spot a hustle.

The guy became very dramatic, in an attempt to shame me. As I slid into the driver’s seat of the rental car, he says ‘Oh man, I sure hope you are never in a position where you need any help’. My response was ‘Yeah, me too’. I closed my door, put the car in reverse, backed out of the parking spot, and drove out of there and back onto the interstate.

It was not that I would not help someone if I knew they really needed help. It was that I knew the guy was simply pan-handling me. I have been in just about every situation that a man can be in other than being wealthy. I intend to remedy that here shortly.

With that, I will end this blog and hopefully get some rest. Whatever your life brings you, I hope you get some happiness somewhere here or there. It is the bad times that help me enjoy the good.

I think I have had more than my share of bad times. I have definitely had some good times. I think I would like some more good times, but something much more substantial.



fools-pair-a-dice-ivSo, I have finally figured out my business model and I will start it with www.givemeonemilliondollars.com very soon. Over the last two years I have really struggled with getting this launched, changing business models, having operations failures, loss of income, physical surgery, immense personal obstacles, goal failures and a complete change of focus on getting into my juris doctorate program (which I am actually excelling at, by the way).

I have finally over the past month come to the realization of the business model which I believe will work best for me. I am busily producing my offerings but have the basic structures outlined and have come far into getting these ideas into a reality.

It should be less than a month for me to get this all launched and I am very excited about this!

I know that at this point in time I am merely writing to myself, and to myself I say, with a resounding YES, ‘YES, I will give myself one billion dollars; and by 'GOD' I have earned it, through perseverance, oppression, and just plain stubborn literal will to survive and succeed at life!’



A Little Overwhelmed Right Now …

fools-pair-a-dice-ivOK, it may take a little longer than a month to get this going. I have my mid-terms this month for law school. I actually received an F on a pre-exam. I thought that I could use the issue of bargain in place of offer, acceptance and consideration.

I was also relying too heavily on a commercial outline which caused me to overlook the basic checklist or elements structure on a soft pitch question.

It was an ah-ha moment. I believe I understand where I was in error. I have also been able to make much better use of two study materials now. I will not actually know if I am right about all of this until after I receive my feedback on the mid-term exams, but I believe I am on the right track now.

I have to know the issues, what the rules are and how to apply the rules. It is a difficult task to master.

Anyway, I am moving a little slower with my content production due to this. I at least have a basic plan which is coming together.




So, even having somewhat of an educational background in Public Affairs, and in not currently trying to use that to leverage position in some manner, I actually got emotional enough to register to vote this election.

However, I registered too late to vote, so I was unable to. The funny thing is that, from an economic perspective, it would benefit me to continue to obtain student loans to complete my juris doctorate. So, I may end up in a very horrible financial position mid degree if public funding is cut from students pursuing graduate degrees.

I find that to be hilarious. I believe I have a stable plan to build my media offering, but just in case that fails, my back up plan may not quite work out. Wow!

Anyway, if a person looks at basic principles of micro and macro-economics, it is easy to see what can occur with tax cuts to stimulate the economy in certain matters.

It would take me five minutes to brush up on that, but I just do not have the time right now. Work was so horrible tonight. I worked in hematology, and it was almost overwhelming. The worst night I have had in the year I have worked second shift. I am not complaining about it, just working it out in my mind.

The law school thing is not much fun for me anymore. I do not know that I would continue to pursue the degree if I were to get my life going the way I hope to.

I have a horrible nightmare of a personal situation which I am trying to influence. However, I am legally not allowed to write about it. I am legally threatened when trying to influence the matter. My only hope is to out earn the problem. This drains me mentally and physically.

I hope I am over my year-long pity party. The surgery didn’t help any though. I wish I had understood more about hypercholesterolemia prior to having my gallbladder completely removed. I believe I should have simply had my stones removed and then stopped consuming foods that contained cholesterol.

This is the second time I have gone on a cholesterol free diet, and it is fairly simple for me to maintain this lifestyle. I really fear that I have made a fatal error in getting my gallbladder removed. I just have this feeling that something is way wrong on that.

I hope if anyone reads this that they are doing well. I expect that I will try to use this site to help people sooner or later. Or at least one of my other sites. I just had some learning curves this year, and some set-backs, but I think it will be to my benefit to my goals.



So, I took a trip to see somebody, and learned that there is an entire community of people whose common bind has to deal with why I was called out of a situation by police intervention. I learned about the one option I could have fallen back on. However, the issue appears to be resolved, and I now understand the 'WHY' of what occurred.

It helped me to understand the situation as well as it helped me to learn a little more about me.

I got to ride out a hurricane to learn what not to do in the future. I got away with a very minor loss of fingertip and exposure to complete breakdown of society in somewhat of a minor apocalypse drill.

In that situation again I will simply catch a flight to Atlanta. The risk of being stranded in an area where things can go from bad to worse is really just not worth it to me.

I have realized that the B's I have been earning on my grades is in all actuality a really good thing, as I was only missing the issues which everyone else loses time and points by getting too focused on.

I can always go back and add those points in after doing what I already do if there is time later.

It has been a bitter sweet month.




I am two months into my Juris Doctorate. For me, it is a fallback, is all I can say.
I went on a legal forum this week, seeking insight into case law and black letter law on a subject which I am finding no law. I was quite frankly attacked on the forum.
I have a very different outlook on life from what any of the people I tried to interact with there have, apparently. I have definitely instilled in myself what I do not want to deal with on obtaining a license to practice law.
I have not pursued my media offerings of late. I have been brainstorming and have not quite gotten my thoughts together on that front yet.
I have, however, gotten my mind focused on what I need to learn and how to learn my legal studies. So, I will at least have that to work with going forward.
I have earned mostly A’s and three B’s on my assignments so far. Silly mistakes, but I see what I did incorrectly. Even in my errors, I seem to have the gist of it well enough.
I was not anticipating my operation. That honestly has affected my strength quite a bit. I have also lost my emotional crutch over the past couple of months. Even my number one girl has left me lately. Oh well, easy come easy go on that note.

A while back. I do not remember when …

Having not attended Harvard myself, I may be completely wrong with my thinking, but here it goes. If I had thirty billion dollars, or some vast amount of money, and wanted to change the world, first I would take a long hard look at who is in control of the world. I would also focus on grassroots efforts, as outlined on my website at www.freehelpmagazine.com .

I would study the writings of Machiavelli, at least through the Wikipedia site on ‘The Prince’. I would note how this writing effectively influenced Western politics. I would watch the movie ‘Gangs of New York’ and pick up an introduction to Political Science book ( www.cengagebrain.com has a lot of free study guides to outline the textbooks).

I would also brief a book on introduction to Sociology and pay extremely close attention on the part which focuses on how when groups of people form they tend to turn their backs on the scientific method and go with political movements (also known as group think), and how once groups go political they are INCAPABLE of correcting for their OWN BIAS.

An analogy that comes to my mind is my personal story from earlier this year. I work at a hospital. I happen to have a ruptured disk pushing on my descending nerve root, and it is difficult for me to even walk to my bathroom at times. With the help of some martial arts techniques I can manage mobility enough to make it to work and even perform my job duties. I live only a couple of blocks from my job. I also pay child support and am basically impoverished while I study to try to replace my lost income from when my logistics business went belly up and I got injured working on barges.

Back to now … at the end of the block where I reside there is often a violent pit-bull running amuck. He is probably around two years old. He would often charge at me like he was going to attack me, yet he would stop a few feet from me and start jumping up and down, barking at me. It scared the living hell out of me quite frankly, but I have to go to work at least five days a week.

What I began to do is to ask him how he was doing, and if he is alright. Eventually he became accustomed to me walking by him. He would sometimes just ignore me, and at other times he would walk up to me and let me pet him. Prior to him becoming accustomed to me he was one-day creeping down the sidewalk outside of the hospital I work at to hunt cats in the dumpster area of the hospital.

So, I know that there is an inherent nature in this animal. If I were to take him somewhere, say a chicken coop, and let him loose inside of a room filled with chickens, the expectation that I would have is that this animal would kill some chickens in that situation.

When studying philosophy, the name Thomas Hobbes comes up. He is quoted as stating that ‘people are warlike and aggressive.’ To prove this point, I would challenge you to jump on a motorcycle and try riding it in a rush hour traffic situation on a highway that is stop and go traffic and see if you can make it through the traffic, while obeying the law, without having someone deliberately try to hit you with their vehicle.

To sum up my argument, you have to look at basic human nature. People are pack animals. Your average person will likely speak to you in professed beliefs, yet hide their true beliefs. It is a very rare person who can step back from a given situation and use critical thinking skills to apply the scientific method to actually look at a situation objectively. People rush in, in general, in herd mentality.

If you are simply grand standing, that is a different story. But if you are really trying to make a change towards bettering the lives of people, first you have to understand people. Otherwise you are just aiding the ones who are deliberately causing the harm. The cultures which influence the masses in every culture to set each culture against one another are not there randomly. So, I regress, and see the error in my own post here; touché.

Would so many people be rounded up and starved to death if people were not paying ransom money to stop the starvation? It really looks like a hustle to me. What about divorce? Would so many children be living in this nation without fathers if there was no court ordered child support to enslave the fathers and children to attorneys, judges and mothers? Is it even possible that there are so many fathers accused of being abusive that the standard is automatically filing an ex-parte protective order when a woman files for divorce? Do these numbers add up? Are you just throwing money at making evil stronger, or do you want to enact real change in the world brother …

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What can I say. I have gotten completely side-tracked in life right now. I mostly blame the family court system for that, but I am trying my best. I am trying to build an online media following in order to get my life back into order. In case that does not take off the way I hope, I am pursuing my Juris Doctorate as well.

Idealistically I suppose I would consider myself to be a libertarian socialist politically, in a perfect world. One where there was a true Republic of Laws where everyone was treated as equal. A world with a social safety net to ensure everyone has the opportunity to live a fulfilled life. However, that is just not the world we live in.

I am one class shy of a minor in Public Affairs. I do understand the Machiavellian system which we are under. I am quite fine with that. I understand how I am not on the winning side in a 'representative democracy' where 'justice' is for sale, and I currently have no economic resource with which to seek refuge. 

My mind is fairly good with critical thinking skills. I focus more on psychological profiling than stereotyping, or as sociology calls it I stick with structural/functional and science base rather than getting carried away in the group herd mentality.

Yet, I suffer in communicating to the herd; which is apparently where the money is… Ha! I suppose I should look into some flashcards from leadership classes to learn more about leadership.

So, yes, I would gladly accept one billion dollars from anyone who would wish to contemplate my situation. It is fairly unique. I keep starting to write books about it, but get side-tracked into my media sites. So, I am really attempting to create one billion dollars of revenue to myself in the mean-time.

Anyway, I would love to hear from anyone about just about anything. I am just most likely sitting here trying to figure out a way to change my life … If you would be so kind as to post a comment, or actually leave feedback in my forums section I am sure that would make my day. 

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